Lance Armstrong

If breathing were an olympic sport, I would have taken home the GOLD from London, Beijing, Athens, and Sydney! 

Some might compare my journey to breathing champion to Lance Armstrong's cycling career.  Much like Armstrong, I have been disgraced and banned from all future breathing competitions.  Luckily, my leisurely breathing privileges have not been revoked. I am still free to breathe recreationally but without reward (other than that whole living thing).

In the last few months I have realized that I am becoming more and more like my dad. I don't let anything bother me, I sleep on the floor if I am too dirty to get in my bed but too tired to shower, and I suddenly have all of these new fangled environmental allergies! I feel like I am allergic to everything except food --- God Bless America! I sneeze in multiples of three, my cough sounds like Mr. White's from Breaking Bad, and I lose my voice at the most inconvenient times! Although the Olympics are a thing of the past, I can't think of any person I would rather transform into than my dad. 

ACHOOOOOOO!